PHILOSOPHY OF SEX

INTRODUCTION

Sex, the ultimate paradox.  On one hand it is the most fun thing, and on the other it is the most serious thing.  Sex does relate to philosophy because it plays a critical role in the fulfillment of one of philosophy’s most basic goals; happiness.  Philosophy means the love of wisdom, and wisdom is that which is wise over the long term.  Determining that which is philosophically sound inherently demands wide-scoped and long-range thinking.  Philosophy should enhance the quality of our lives, make them more worth living and easier to understand.  Therefore valid philosophical tenants are based on the wellbeing and happiness of conscious human beings.  Our sexuality features prominently in our wellbeing and happiness, and we can use philosophy to our sexual benefit.

Our philosophy must recognize, and enhance knowledge in all of the underlying realities that we face as humans.  Three basic realities must be well understood;  All that it means to be human, all that it means to be a man (or woman), all that it means to be a self-standing, self-leading individual.  Individuals must face the responsibility of their actions, both good and bad, and can take pride in their achievements.  Doing the right thing, striving for the right goals and being all we can be will yield good, valuable feelings.  These valuable feelings of pride feel the same as pleasure, fun, enjoyment and joy, but are completely different.  This long-term feeling that comes from doing the right thing is called happiness.  It is a unique feeling in the human experience because of its origin and duration.  Abiding human happiness, the prime purpose of life, comes from doing the right thing based on our long-range goals, and long-term thinking.  This pride tends to abide with us through good times and bad, unlike short term feelings of euphoria that come from enjoyable things, fun, enjoyment and joyous occasions.  Sex, although a here-and-now pleasure-based experience, can also be a long-range happiness builder when it is properly integrated into our reality.  The converse is also true, which is that sex can greatly harm our long-range happiness if we fail to integrate it properly into our existence.

 A case must be made to support some critical facts about sex; Casual sex is harmful and undermines our happiness.  Sex belongs within an intimate relationship and is, in fact, a critical component to intimacy.  We must earn a healthy, confident sex life.

SEX BASICS FOR THE PHILOSOPHER

SEX FOR HUMANS

Although there are many examples, sex best exemplifies the mind-body connection.  Like all feelings that originate in the mind, sex is primarily a mental function that combines with bodily sensations that produce the feeling of pleasure.  Sexual pleasures intertwine mental functions with bodily sensations and feelings.  As well, sex is a very dominant and primal mental function that further elevates its importance to our mental wellbeing.  Some argue the point that the natural urge to procreate is the most influential, ancient and critical of all instincts, actually hard-wired into our brains and bodies.  Even if that is not factually true there is no doubt that being sexual is an integral part of being human.

SEX FOR MEN (WOMEN)

Sexuality has a common connection to every human being’s wellbeing and health, but there are some critical differences between the sexes when it comes to sex.  Females, for example, relate sexuality as an intimate act far more than men.  This is not to say that the man does not relate it to intimacy, just that he weighs it less intimate than does the woman.  Men have a more primal drive that dominates their sexuality, and this means that a man is more inclined to life without monogamous connections, while retaining happiness.  This fact, conversely, make women more inclined to tie their happiness to a loving, intimate relationship.  In sexual copulation, the woman is surrendering to her man, the man is taking the woman.  The difference between being the penetrator vs the penetrated is a delicious and ever elusive mystery for each partner that enhances sexual pleasure.   Men can never know what it means to be the penetrated, and likewise the woman can only wonder what it feels like to be the penetrator.  These physiological differences have mental pairs whereas one, the man, dominates sexually, and the woman submits.  Each sex also gets aroused by different things; men are primarily attracted to a woman who admires them and looks up to them.  This woman will submit and be more likely to nurture their strength.  The woman, fittingly, is attracted to a strong man, and every woman defines that strength a little differently.  

Despite the influence of personal preferences and opinions held by a particular woman on what constitute strength, there are certain shared views among all women.  She is genetically coded to see the care and safety of her offspring as the base command, and a man who can best advance to her mothering interests will be seen as strong.  It must be said though that there are many things that will fine-tune her view of strength based on her individual, personal views.  There is another unique mystery between the sexes which has an impact on the physical and mental state where sex takes place; women have a unique experience from a man because they live in a different world than men.  Women live in a world where almost any member of the other gender can physically kill them.  This fact should be viewed against a backdrop of the well-known phenomenon of male aggression.  The corresponding fact is that  no man can imagine what it is like to be a woman living under this psychological and physical reality.  It is good, when first examining the topic of sex through the eyes of philosophy, to recognize the human reality of sex, and these critical differences between the sexes.

SEX FOR THE INDIVIDUAL

The philosopher’s first concern is to bring knowledge to each individual so they can put it to practical use.  The most practical use of good philosophy is to enhance our happiness.  That is why the next thing a philosopher should do is look at the tastes, choices and even the neurotic wants and needs of the individual.  Every person is different and therefore unique in their sexuality.  For example our goals could make us integrate sex a little less than we may otherwise do, without making an impact on our happiness.  Some lifestyles require less sex than others, in some cases this can be a choice made in the larger equation of life.  Others are less sexual because of their physiology, their upbringing or wants.  Since there is no such thing as the average person, we can look for, and accept the impact of individuality on sex.  Individuality produces an unending variety of sexual preferences.  None of these preferences are wrong, immoral or irrational unless they cause harm.  These individual preferences are just that; individual preferences.  A sexual partner can become invaluable if they are open to listening, understanding then meeting the individual sexual need of their lover.  

Having sex with children seriously interferes with normal human maturation where a childhood of innocence is a perfect incubator for learning necessary life skills.  When innocence is lost a child’s development is severely and irreparably damaged.  This is especially true for the child’s ability to trust, therefore have healthy relationships in the future.  It effects the child’s sense of wonder, amazement and child-like joy, all critical elements of childhood.  These things go towards making a child’s life functional, happy and successful than any other factors.  Children are not emotionally or psychologically ready, or in any other way for that matter, to handle the outcome of unwanted pregnancy.  Children should be sent a signal that sex is a part of adults life, where only adults have mentally intimate as well as physically intimate relationships.  Children would then see sex as normal and not dirty, and they would understand it in a healthy context.  It is healthy because it is based on the true nature of the human experience, as well as the nature of the man and the woman.  Because the child would see sex as an extension of intimacy, they would inherently see the impact of individuality on intimacy.  The child sees a part of the intimacy their parents show, but they do not see it all.  Lovers have an intimate mental life together that no one else sees, and they share a physical life that no one else sees.  This makes the intimacy so sweet, the fact that it is shared, unique and private.  Sex between siblings or with parents, close relatives and friends also severs and disrupts normal development in children.  The normal roles played by each member of the family requires certain attributes of respect, distance and protocol in order to produce an offspring capable of a healthy independent life.   Giving a child a rational view of sex is moral, but doing anything to disrupt their innocence is extremely immoral, even evil.

Because of role that intimacy plays in sex, it is naturally diminished in value when that intimacy is broken.  For this reason, most people should choose a monogamous relationship.  This stable nuclear family provides the best security for the offspring, which is an optimum environment for development.  But, as long as sex is performed within an intimate relationship it has the first prerequisite for healthy sex.  This means that any given individual can have a truly unique relationship or relationships they consider intimate, loving and rewarding.  And, given all the other factors these relationships can indeed be good for the individuals involved.  However having multiple sex partners decreases the pleasures embodied in intimate, one-partner sex.  Multi-partner sex does not provide the massive increase in efficiencies that come with a pairing.  In fact, the opposite usually happens; multi-partner relationships cause more problems inherently, and they dramatically increase the operational complexity of life for everyone involved.  Besides, this does not even account for the difficulties that are sure to arise from emotional conflicts, hurt feelings and friction between partners.  Sex brings on strong emotional ties and mental connections that cannot be ignored inside a multi-partner relationship – somebody is likely to get hurt.  

With all things considered, if the basis for sex is healthy, every individual should enjoy sex, free of guilt, shame or inhibitions.  When this intimate, open, guilt free and happy approach to sex is shared with another person you experience one of the crowning achievements of life.